spicyshimmy:

galacticdrugdealer:

“STAY SAFE AND REMEMBER TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH”

“WHATEVER DAD I’M A MAN NOW I DO WHAT I WANT”

AWKWARD STUFF THAT HAPPENED TO COMMANDER SHEPARD IN BETWEEN OCCASIONALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS ON HIS LIFE, featuring

• That time he told Garrus ‘I love you’ when Garrus said ‘Goodnight, Shepard’
• That time he drooled on his breakfast because of Kaidan Alenko’s butt
• That time he thought James Vega actually wanted to dance and told him he could lead, but only if the rest of the crew never found out
• Guess what: the rest of the crew found out
• That time he started crying because Steve Cortez was crying
• It was just so sad okay
• That time he used Traynor’s toothbrush for purposes other than brushing teeth
• That other time he used Traynor’s toothbrush for purposes other than brushing teeth
• That time he got a fake tattoo to impress Jack and James but it was just a reaper with a smiley face and they didn’t think it was as hardcore as it seemed at the time of purchase and application
• That time a reporter got footage of him having a conversation with one of the Shepard VIs and it was impossible to tell, from their stance and delivery, which Shepard was the real Shepard
• That time he asked detailed and uncomfortable questions at a Council meeting about whether or not sex with a clone was the same as or different from a classic interpretation of masturbation
• That time Anderson was barking orders at him on the field and he shouted back, ‘Okay, Daddy!’ and his comm link was on, so everybody heard it
• Basically
• The Reapers killing him is a good thing
• A certain number of deaths under your belt, and people forget to make fun of you
• For calling your SO Daddy
• Even if that’s who he is
• And you miss him like hell every second of every damn day when he isn’t around to put his hand on your shoulder and help you carry the weight crushing you, dragging you under. 

etall:

Shepard tells a dirty joke.

mass effect ☄ husk creatures